


The Zoldyck Nightmare

by every1isgay



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Canon Compliant, Cute, Embarrassed Killua Zoldyck, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Love, M/M, Minor Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Nightmares, Relationship Discussions, Relationship(s), Sad with a Happy Ending, Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 17:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20911145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/every1isgay/pseuds/every1isgay
Summary: 'Gon shoots out of bed, ready to fight, defend, or whatever he needs to do to deal with the danger. But the room is still, and quiet save for the soft whimpers of Killua still asleep in the bed.“No… please…” the white haired boy cries.His hair is drenched in sweat, and face wet too with tears. Killua thrashes, kicking off the blankets violently, and before Gon can reach the bed again, he sits up, eyes wide, gasping for air.'





	The Zoldyck Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> written by Emery

Gon lies on his side, thinking about his fight with Knuckle tomorrow, as he counts the soft, even breaths of Killua beside him. Every night this is what grounds him. Before he knows it, his eyelids feel heavy and he sinks further into the soft mattress as he slips into a light sleep. 

Suddenly he hears a gasp, then a scream. Gon shoots out of bed, ready to fight, defend, whatever he needs to do to deal with the danger. But the room is still and quiet, save for the soft whimpers of Killua still asleep in their bed.

“No… please…” the white haired boy cries.

Cries?

His hair is drenched in sweat, and his face wet with tears. He thrashes, kicking off the blankets violently before Gon can reach the bed again, then he sits up, eyes wide, gasping for air.

“Killua!” Gon shouts, surprising himself as much as the other boy. “What happened? Are you okay? Hey…” he adds softly, sitting beside the trembling boy. “It's alright. It was a dream, yeah? A nightmare?”

“Gon?” Killua pants. “Is… I-” Then he seems to snap out of a trance, looking around the room as if someone else is here. However, Gon doesn't sense any danger. His Nen tells him they are alone and safe. Killua just had a bad dream.

“Get off me!” Killua sputters, pushing Gon towards the end of the bed.

Gon frowns, crawling back up beside his friend. “What happened?” he asks, ignoring the stubbornness being displayed.

Killua looks away, eyes hidden by his almost translucent bangs, face dark with shame. “Nothing. Just a dream, like you said. Sorry I woke you.”

With that, he flops back down to his pillow, and rolls to the side, his back to Gon. He's not going to talk, Gon can sense that, but maybe he will listen.

“Killua, it's okay. I don't mind that you woke me, but I want to make sure  _ you're _ okay.” Thinking over the past thirty seconds, Gon tenses slightly as he goes on. “You screamed, Killua. You sounded… it was like you were being  _ tortured _ .”

Killua is silent, save for the small release of breathe that is almost a scoff.

Gon stares at his best friend who is curled up, blocking him out. He wants to know what goes on in that fluffy white head of his. It's so rare for Killua to open up and talk about his feelings. Gon hates that. As good as he is with reading other people, Gon can't always read Killua - despite him being his most precious friend. He is still a mystery. At times like this, when there is silence between them that feels like miles of open sea, it's absolutely the worst. Gon wants to know everything there is to know about this boy he met nearly two years ago at the start of the Hunter Exam.

Of course, Gon does know a lot. He knows Killua loves chocolate more than he loves people. He's quick on his feet and great at analyzing any situation in an instant. Smart. He's a strategic planner who always watches out for Gon whenever he rushes into things unthinkingly. Killua loves math. He understands the world around them better than anyone Gon has ever met. He is brilliant. Fun to be around too; he will play, chase, tease, and laugh with Gon in nearly any circumstance. He would give his life to save Gon; that's probably the most evident fact about the Zoldyck boy. Loyal to a fault. But his feelings, what he thinks about on a daily basis, what happened in his past: that's all harder to decipher, and Gon wishes he had all the Nen in the world just so he could learn the heart of his best friend.

“Kill…” Gon trails off, not sure what to say.

But Killua winces. “Don't call me that,” he snaps.

Right. That's what his family calls him.

A little over a year and a half ago, when Gon did everything in his power to save Killua from that nightmare of a house, he had heard that nickname for the first time. Killua wants nothing to do with the Zoldycks. Not only did they drag him through hell and back in his childhood, but they continue to attempt to gain control over him. Especially his oldest brother, Illumi. “Kill” is more than just an irritating nickname, it represents everything they want him to be that he's not. An assassin. A killer. A fighter. A Zoldyck.

“I'm sorry,” Gon whispers. “But please don't pull away from me. You're my best friend. I want to help you.” Killua is still staring at the wall, back to the smaller boy, who waits as patiently as he can for something to give. Then there is a slight, ever so small, movement that tells Gon Killua is listening to him. So he continues. 

“Killua, you took care of me when I was hurt in Heaven’s arena, you came back with me to Whale Island to meet my family, you helped me open the box from Ging, you helped me get to Greed Island then beat the game, you… Killua, you've stayed by my side through all of this, and I want to be able to be there for you too. Let me in?”

Killua sighs, then slowly sits up, blue eyes unable to meet the other's. “It was just a bad dream. I don't want to talk about it.”

Gon scoots closer, so he is beside his friend. “Was it about… them? The… the assassin training?”

Killua shrugs. He stares at the sheet over his lap, picks at his right thumbnail, breathing slowly and evenly.

Gon waits. Sometimes it takes Killua a while to start talking. Usually Gon would fill the silence with his own chatter, but tonight he wants to hear anything Killua has to offer.

Finally, Killua sucks in a breath and begins. “I was back at the mansion. Milluki had the whip in his hand and… before he struck me he told me he would have Kalluto kill you. He told me I didn't deserve any friends. Zoldycks don't have friends anyway. Attachments are a sign of weakness. Then… my mother pulled you into the room and instead of whipping me, they… you just… it was terrible. I couldn't get free of the chains… and I watched you get beaten while I couldn't do anything!” Killua's voice cracks, and he cuts himself off. His fists now clench the sheets in a deadly grip.

“Hey… Killua… you know I wouldn't let that happen, right? But if it meant saving you… I would do anything.”

“You'd let yourself die if it meant saving me,” Killua says, very matter of fact.

“Yes,” Gon confirms quickly.

“That's the problem, Gon. If I don't have you, there is no reason for me to be kept alive. Without you… I'm… you're an idiot who would recklessly get yourself killed to save anyone without thinking about how that will affect others. I'm… Gon… I don't  _ want  _ you to save me if it means you dying.”

Gon listens, but this is a hard concept for him to grasp. He furrows his brow. “But… how would I save you then?”

Killua laughs, but it's bitter and cold like the night air. “You wouldn't Gon.”

Gon full on scowls now. “I'm not going to let you die! I told you back at Yorknew, you can't talk about dying! Only I can. You're forbidden to talk about it. You're too important to me. And if… that night in front of the train… Killua… you're not allowed to do that to me! I won't let you.”

Killua scoffs, but he seems to be listening. “I know… I know. But Gon, what if I were to get myself killed saving you? What would you do?”

Gon doesn’t like talking like this. He knows that they face death every single day, but he doesn’t like thinking about one or both of them dying. He doesn't want to have to choose life or Killua. Killua  _ is _ his life. “We’re meant to travel together, explore the world together. Remember? None of this matters because you won’t die. And neither will I, okay? We just have to do whatever it takes to  _ both _ be alive. That’s it. I won’t let either of us die. That’s my answer to your stupid question.” He crosses his arms at the end of his tirade, like a child. He doesn’t care, he’s mad.

"So we will both live forever?" Killua mocks with a smile.

Gon nods. "Yes, I guess so."

Unexpectedly, Killua laughs. He laughs like Gon had just told a hilarious joke, but Gon  _ wasn’t  _ joking. He’s serious. Why are they wasting time talking about what might never happen? It’s stupid. Finally, Killua wipes his eyes and clears his throat. Gon still has his arms crossed over his chest in indignation. He's mad. Then, like a cat, the white haired teen crawls the short distance across the bed to Gon, face to face with him in an instant.

Inches away.

The breath is stolen from Gon's lungs.

He's frozen.

Killua has a deadly smile on his lips. Not the one he has when he is ready to kill. No. This is different…

Abruptly, lips are pressed to Gon’s and he sucks in a shocked breath before he processes that Killua is  _ kissing _ him. On the lips. It’s weird, and not what he expected, but he also doesn’t mind. In fact, he likes the way Killua smells up close. It invades all of his senses with nothing but Killua. Gon’s Hatsu flares up, just for a moment, and that makes Killua pull away sharply.

“Sorry,” he whispers. “That was -”

“Pretty amazing!” Gon finishes for him, because Killua was probably going to say something foolishly wrong.

Killua turns a lovely shade of red, almost the color of the apples on Aunt Mito’s tree in their front yard back home.

“Shut up, idiot," Killua mutters, facing away, bashful.

Gon absolutely adores him when he becomes shy like this. So, instead of letting him stew in self-induced misery, Gon leans in to plant a kiss on those cherry cheeks. “Get some rest, Killua. We have another long day of training tomorrow, and you’re gonna need to rest up.” And with that, Gon flops down on his side of the bed and closes his eyes, mouth still stuck in a smile.

He hears a soft  _ tsk _ before the bed dips and Killua lays beside him. Then cold fingers touch his arm and a warm body is pressed to Gon’s back. He sighs in contentment, pulling Killua’s hand to his chest, hugging it close to his heart. It’s a sense of coming home that sends Gon into a restful sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Because there is never going to be too many hurt/comfort fics for poor traumatized Killua.


End file.
